11. Examples of rules for group interactions

The psychoanalyst Ruth Cohn has developed the concept of interactions focused on a specific subject. During the past few years the elements of this concept have been becoming increasingly popular in group work with adults.

In this section we give some examples of subject focused interactions. These are suggestions which should assist you in your group work. Each self help group should apply those methods and rules which best help it to structure its goal oriented group conversations. Some groups only apply a couple rules or none at all. Others apply a fairly large number of rules. You decide which rules and methods, if any, to apply on the basis of what helps you to structure your group work in a pleasant and effective way.

‘Be your own leader’

Be your own leader and act in accordance with your own needs in regard to the subject and to what is otherwise important for you. You are responsible for what you do for yourself through this group. You do not need to ask whether that which you want pleases or displeases the other members of the group. Just say what you want. Each of the other members is his or her own leader too, so they will tell you when they want something else.

‘Be authentic and selective in your communications. Be clear on what you think and feel and decide what to say and do.’

If I just say or do something because I am supposed to, then what I say or do has not been evaluated by me in my own proven way and I am not acting authentically, not acting in accordance with me. When, however, I am authentic, I contribute to trust and understanding.

‘Be careful with generalizations’

Generalizations interrupt the group process. It is also easy for them to distract from specific persons. Generalizations are appropriate when a subordinate subject has been discussed sufficiently and it is time to go on to something else.

‘When speaking about yourself, use the first person; that is, do not say ‘one’, ‘we’, ‘us’, etc. when you actually mean ‘I’ or ‘me’.

Some statements are a personal confession or confidence which also encourages other participants to make similar statements of their own. In these cases, do not hide behind words such as ‘one’ and ‘we’, thus avoiding responsibility for what you say; rather, present yourself as your own person and use ‘I’ and ‘me’.

‘When asking a question, say why you are asking it and what it means for you.’

Following this rule promotes real dialogues which meet the need of the questioner for answers. While questions by themselves are another means with which you can avoid revealing yourself and your opinion, when you express your opinion in addition to your question, you make it easier for the persons to whom you put your question to contradict you or agree.

‘Only one person at a time, please!’

Nobody can listen to more than one statement at the same time. You, as well as everybody else, can only concentrate on verbal interactions when they follow one another in time. Group cohesion results from concentrated interest of its members in each other and for each other’s statements and actions.

Side conversations should not be allowed. When side conversations are conducted, they should be made public and included in the group conversation.