Rules and methods serve to structure the conversation and course of events in the group. They make it easier for everyone to concentrate on a definite subject and his or her own concerns. Application of the rules and methods differs from group to group and also depends on the subject matter of the self help group.

Thus, for example, many self help groups in the area of addiction work with rules different from those used by groups dedicated to experiencing oneself or to dealing with a certain chronic illness.

Some self help groups work without established rules or only use certain techniques and methods which appear to them to be necessary for group work.

It is always the group which decides on the rules and methods, if any, which are used by the group in doing its work. Every self help group develops its own method of work which is suitable for its concerns and needs. This work style can change over time and make the use of rules superfluous or necessary.

Here, now, are some rules and methods which have proven to be helpful.

The members know when the group work begins and can prepare themselves for presenting their concerns during this time. Punctual beginning and end of the sessions are important for this reason.

As a matter of principle, every member speaks about himself – about his or her  thoughts, feelings, experience, hopes and expectations. Of course, one cannot  avoid speaking about relatives, friends and others who play an important part in one’s life; nevertheless, the group’s attention should be directed to oneself.

Also, nothing should be said about group members when they are not present!

Interrupt the conversation if for any reason you are not really able to participate in it. For example, you might be bored, annoyed or for some other reason not be able to concentrate on the conversation. Such an “absent” member loses the chance to develop himself in the group and the group also loses the benefit of this member’s presence. When the problem has been set aside, the interrupted conversation is resumed, or it may be that first another subject is discussed because it is currently more important for the group and was possibly raised by the interruption itself.

It takes courage to apply this rule, but this rule is very important and promotes the feeling of togetherness within the group.

At the beginning of their meetings, many groups ask about the current problems and moods of the members (e.g. including fears which are brought to the session). The group first goes over these, even though another subject was actually planned. This approach gives the individual a feeling of togetherness and being understood.

Every person receives the opportunity to say something short (at most 2 minutes) about a certain subject, situation or current mood. These statements are not discussed; indeed, nobody makes any comments about them at all!

The snapshot can be applied at the beginning, during or at the end of a group meeting, as well as in group situations in which a lack of clarity prevails.

A snapshot can serve to:

• clarify diffuse situations between the members,
• depict the current personal situation of the members
• to express one’s own feelings and moods
• to present expectations, needs and wishes,
• to identify subjects which arouse interest,
• to ease everyone into the group conversation,
• to draw a picture of opinions which concludes the group session.

The snapshot is not evaluated until all the participants have expressed themselves. At that point certain conclusions might be drawn (e.g. to change the subject or to apply a certain rule).

With feedback we find out how our conduct has affected others. The positive effect of feedback lies in the fact that conduct which disturbs group work can be corrected and conduct which is helpful can be reinforced.

When I am not sure how my conduct affects the other members of the group or when I want to know what others think of me, I can ask for feedback.

Also, when, for example, the conduct of a particular member of the group pleases me or releases unpleasant feelings in me, I can announce that I am going to give a feedback.

It is not easy to give feedback, nor is it easy to get feedback from others. We are not accustomed to speaking of our feelings openly. That is why it is helpful to go by the following rules for feedback:

When you give feedback:

Speak to the other person directly and show that this is who you mean.

Speak of the feelings which the conduct of the other has released in you. Say specifically how you experienced the situation so that the other person can understand which conduct of his you mean. Assessments, complaints and speculations about the conduct of the other are not helpful

When you receive feedback:

Do not try to refute something right away or to defend yourself or to explain the matter. First listen and notice which feelings the feedback releases in you. You can also ask the other members of the group for feedback. Not until then can you go into the substance of the matter.

Feedback is helpful for:

• comparing your own perceptions with those of others,
• recognizing background, decisive moments and motivations of individual modes of behaviour and statements,
• avoiding interpretations and speculations,
• receiving information about effects and effectiveness of one’s own conduct and behaviour.

Feedback helps one to learn, to give criticism and to take criticism or rethink and possibly change one’s modes of behaviour.

The discussion in a large group can be structured by a moderator. This makes it possible for everyone who wishes to to have his say, for the subject not to be lost sight of and for its main thread to be kept in view. The moderator can be a different person for each session. Designating a moderator is only a means for structuring group work, and not one for determining what is said or not said.